How To Go From Struggling With Life To Finding Success And Happiness

Are you struggling with life and looking for answers to what you must do to move your life forward?

One of my most popular blogs on this website is Why is Life Such a Struggle, but I felt if so many people were looking for answers then they deserved me producing a thorough blog that could help them do so. Be warned though this is a long article and needs a lot of effort on your part. The effort will I assure you be worth it!

Is life seemingly one of constant struggle where you always having to deal with money problems, difficulties with relationships, failing business, or emotions that drain your energy and enthusiasm?

You look around and see other people succeeding and living exciting lives. It all seems like smooth sailing for them. So, you’re left wondering, “What do they know that I don’t? Why is it always such a struggle for me?”

Don’t run away. I’m not going to give you psychobabble right now, that’s not my style. I’m going to tell you what you need to do in simple English to stop struggling with life and turn it all around.

Let me help you unlock your potential, achieve your goals, take ownership of your life and let’s get on with it!

The truth is life isn’t meant to be a struggle, yet I’ve worked with hundreds of people just like you who seem to be constantly struggling with life. These are people from all walks of life that have the desire to change and improve their lives. However, despite their best efforts, they can’t find the solution to a life of struggle. So at least you know you’re not alone.

Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, it can feel like everything is going wrong. Life just feels bad, maybe even to the point where you want to crawl into bed for the rest of eternity. A much better option, however, is to look for ways to fix your life.

This article was created to help you bring an end to your struggles.

“The most beautiful people I’ve known are those who have known trials, have known struggles, have known loss, and have found their way out of the depths.” 

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

The good news is, life needn’t be a chain of endless struggles, paying the bills and being dissatisfied in one’s job. You certainly need to stop that negative self talk which says things like “I’m just unlucky. The world is out to get me. I’m just destined to struggle.” You have to believe that you can find a solution. If you can indeed turn off the negative voice in your head, you’d be doing one of the best things you can to turn things around for yourself.

Life does not come with a user’s manual. Life is filled with: heartache, pain, emotional trauma and moments of anguish and struggles. Yet also love, fun, success and happiness. Maybe the balance between the two in your life is towards the negative side.

But there are ways to ensure the good outweighs the bad. I don’t want you to be struggling with life for one more day. Instead I want you to focus on the unlimited potential that resides inside of you and let me today put you on the path to a better life.

“Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.”

Mahatma Gandhi

Clear your calendar, get out your writing pad and let’s get to work. Be sure to print this out so you have it in front of you. Then take it to a coffee shop or park – WITHOUT an Internet connection or a time limit – and let the awesomeness begin. I really urge you to read and absorb this entire article, do the exercises (that’s a must do), put your phone on mute so you’re not disturbed, and my promise is, you will acquire some incredibly valuable information. In fact you will have successfully found the answer to bring an end to the constant struggling with life.

If you really are fed up with struggling, then, let me say again, this is a must do for you.

Every magnificent accomplishment, discovery or transformation started with the decision to make a change and follow up with tiny steps each day. Over time that commitment will move mountains.

Let’s get to it!

“Dream, struggle, create, prevail. Be daring. Be brave. Be loving. Be compassionate. Be strong. Be brilliant. Be beautiful.”

Michelangelo

Let’s start by taking a look at your dissatisfaction with the way life is at the moment?

Life Dissatisfaction Scale | Exercise One

Where are you on the dissatisfaction scale with regards to your life as it is right now?

Instructions:  

Here are five statements that you may agree or disagree with. Using the 1 – 7 scale below, indicate your agreement with each item by placing the appropriate number on the line preceding that item. Please be open and honest in your responding.

Let’s find out.

• 7 – Strongly agree 

• 6 – Agree 

• 5 – Slightly agree 

• 4 – Neither agree nor disagree 

• 3 – Slightly disagree 

• 2 – Disagree 

• 1 – Strongly disagree

Ok, now score yourself:

____ In most ways my life is close to my ideal.

____ The conditions of my life are excellent.

 ____ I am satisfied with my life.

 ____ So far, I have gotten the important things I want in life.

____ If I could live my life over, I would change almost nothing.

Your score = __________

Your Score:

I hope you’ve done that. Now total up your 5 scores, and from that score you can now check it off against the scale. Here they are:

31 – 35 Extremely satisfied 

26 – 30 Satisfied 

21 – 25 Slightly satisfied 

20        Neutral 

15 – 19 Slightly dissatisfied 

10 – 14 Dissatisfied 

5 –  9   Extremely dissatisfied

With your score, would you say that you’ve virtually reached the end of your tether. You’ve really had ‘ENOUGH.’ You won’t settle for your struggles anymore and now you’re ready to kick back. You’ve actually made the decision no more and it is time to bring about change.

Alternatively, maybe your score shows things haven’t got that bad yet. They’re not good and that is why you’re looking and hoping to find that magical answer from somebody who knows the solution to your problems. Surfing the internet, buying books, reading blogs and listening to podcasts. a few good ideas but nothing that has given you that one thing that will change everything.

You are here because you are struggling but struggling with what. Let’s get specific!

Where Are You Struggling With Life? | Exercise Two

I want you to get clear about what’s wrong with your life, the areas in which you are struggling. Where are your struggles specifically? Look at each of the key areas of your life and list everything you feel is wrong with your life, all the things you are struggling with.

All I want you to do is talk to yourself. You can do it silently because I assure you, we can have debates with ourselves without even saying a word.

Hey, start by saying ‘everything’ if that’s how you feel, but then get specific.

What are you struggling with?

Nobody needs me;

I’m sick of always being ill;

My dreams have all gone nowhere.

Take as long as you need. This is all about getting clarity. Once you have these answers you can then do something to transform ‘everything’.

Answer ‘What’s wrong with my life.’ What am I struggling with?

Dig deep!

Here are some more examples

The relationship with my partner seems distant;

I’m making no money;

I’m trying to get physically back into shape and improve my health but things don’t seem to be working .

Think about your health, relationships, finances, the work you do, social life …You’ve probably been confused about what’s wrong with your life. You just know it’s a struggle. To put it right you have to know more accurately to what the problem is.

If at any time during this exercise you begin to feel overly emotional leave the situation if possible and allow yourself at least 10 minutes of quiet time. During this time alone, try to relax. Breathe deeply and attempt to emotionally stabilize. Try to answer the question “What just happened?” This would be a great time to put your finger on exactly what is wrong with your life.

You can’t totally turn things around when you just look at your struggles in terms of a general unhappiness or restlessness in many areas of your life, just hoping that things can get better. You need to get specific.

Please don’t carry on until you’ve taken the time to analyse your areas of struggle. Let’s split things down into the important areas of your life. Now for each area, write down what you are struggling with.

Your Specific Struggles List

Knowing where specific you are struggling with life helps to give you clarity to whats wrong in your life and what needs to change, and is a big step towards resolving them, but resolve them you must.

Now you have pinpointed the areas you are struggling with life, now you have to get even more specific, determining exactly what needs to change.

The 12 Biggest Changes You Need To Make | Exercise Three

From all those things that you listed where you are struggling, I want you now to go through them one by one and determine the 12 that are most important to change.

1)            ______________________________________________________________________________

2)            ______________________________________________________________________________

3)            ______________________________________________________________________________

4)            ______________________________________________________________________________

5)            ______________________________________________________________________________

6)            ______________________________________________________________________________

7)            ______________________________________________________________________________

8)            ______________________________________________________________________________

9)            ______________________________________________________________________________

10)     ______________________________________________________________________________

11)         ______________________________________________________________________________

12)     ______________________________________________________________________________

No matter what happens things are going to change. In my mind the important thing is for you to be in control, decide what needs to change then set about making it happen.

Now you know what needs to change, there’s no pointy sitting back before you determine what you have to do to make these changes.

“We all start out with the best of intentions but many fall back at the first hurdle, we don’t push, we run out of steam when the going gets tough and don’t pause to catch our second wind but come to a halt and give up. Never settle for anything less than giving it you’re all. Don’t quit till you get there.”

What have you actually done to remove these problems, to overcome your struggles? Be honest have you actually taken deliberate action to overcome these difficulties? Like many have you simply allowed things to get too much for you and therefore to this point you’ve done nothing? Well now you are about to begin, and your life will be transformed.

Let’s just say you’re trying to get physically back into shape and improve your health but things don’t seem to be working. You’ve tried many things, but you can’t bring about the changes you want.

Why aren’t they working (why is this issue happening), and why does it matter (what makes this an issue)?

Start with ‘why does it matter?’

Why is this area that you’re struggling with important?

Is it because you always feel sluggish, have no energy? Perhaps you have been ill for some time. Maybe you’re single and think you are to out of shape to meet somebody.

We have our own reasons for everything, so you need to go through everything you say you are struggling with and ask yourself ‘why’ does this matter.

Why Do My Struggles Matter | Exercise Four

Once you have some clarity on your why it matters, you then need to ask why it is happening.

So back to our example, you’re not doing enough exercise, when you do you’re not putting enough energy into it, you’re not following any specific weight loss or fitness plan, diet is very much up and down, drinking to much alcohol, too many bad sugar laden treats ….

So again go through yours and work out why in your thoughts has this problem persisted.

You need to do this for all the things that you observed are wrong with your life.

Keep going until you have all the reasons why is it happening for all your issues. Get them down.

Why Am I Struggling With These? | Exercise Five

On To The Solution

We have now clarified the problem, it’s time to find the solution.

Now it is time to begin putting things right with your life. As a life coach, people come to me for a multitude of reasons. Their main motivation, however, is always rooted in change. They either want to shake things up in an innovative way—start a new business, live more mindfully, explore their passions—or they’re reacting to something unexpected—a job loss, a breakup, an unexpected transition like a health issue.

You’ve made a start. Youve taken time for self-reflection.

Getting real with yourself like this can be a thrilling, liberating, and energizing experience. If you desire change and you’re committed to take action, you will be unstoppable. I’m giving you the steps you need to go through.

It is down to you. You have a choice, doing nothing and doing something. In a way it depends on how much you want to put your struggles to an end.

Your journey of transformation starts now! If you make the right choice. You are capable of making the biggest transformation of your life. Significant, lasting changes shouldn’t take you years. But it means stepping beyond your current way of life and embracing new habits. To create the level of life you ultimately want, you have to change something you do daily.

Your Commitment

You must first make a commitment. You have to decide that you really want to make a change or transform your life, and that it’s more important than almost anything else.

From this moment forward I want you to become an active participant in your life, intentionally shaping your own future. Determined and committed to put an end to your struggles.

Be Your Best Friend, Not Worst Enemy

I’m going to add a footnote here. When we accuse others or hold them responsible, its like pointing a finger at them. Well when we do that one finger normally points at the accused, but three normally point back at us. So when trying to diagnose the reasons this thing isn’t happening in the right way in your life, take responsibility, what have you done or what haven’t you done.

You can control what you eat and drink. You can control whom you spend time with. You can control how much effort you put into your career. You can control whether or not you proactively date. You can decide which city to live in.

Your struggles could have been anything, , “I want to make more money”, “My marriage is unhappy” or “I need to lose weight.” But these are simply symptoms of the problem. The cause of the problem is you. No matter what it is you want to change—your marriage, your financial situation, your weight—you’ll never achieve lasting change until YOU change. Once YOU improve, everything else around you will improve. 

People complain about their terrible marriage, and so they leave it. Oddly enough, they end up with similar problems in the next relationship. Why? They left the relationship, but they took themselves with them. They didn’t address the real problem. The same set of circumstances and patterns of behaviour will create the same outcome, over and over again. This is the most important personal development distinction you can come to realize. It (health, marriage, money, career, etc.) is not the issue; the issue is YOU . It will only be as great as you are. If you work on it, it will continue to elude you. If you work on you, it will rise to the level of the new you. You have it within you to bring and end to all the things you are struggling with life.

My Number One Goal As A Life Coach

People often ask me what I see as my number one goal as a life coach. My answer is simple to help people avoid getting to the end of life with deep regrets. To this point in my life I have buried three very special people. My Sister who died in her 40’s way to early and before she could truly make her mark. She had many struggles on her journey and never found her way. Her beauty, her creativity, and the caring soul that she was certainly made her mark on people, but her potential, that’s something the world missed out on. I know she died with many regrets. Not my mother. She left a wonderful legacy, based on many incredible achievements and her love of all things personal development. She was an over achiever, a more powerful woman I’ve never met. On her passing, her only regret would be the years lost through Dementia. But what went before was simply brilliant. My father has also recently passed away. He lived till he was 89, and now is sadly missed by his two remaining children, grandchildren and great grandchildren and many others who are witnesses to this loving caring man whose only regret in life was not seeing Cardiff City win the Premiership. He led a full, rich and diverse life. He achieved, experienced and contributed more in one lifetime than most of us could ever dream of.

No If Only’s For You

You’ve reached the point where you now are going to articulate a vision for your life—your whole life from which you will go on to develop a plan for getting there.

I never want YOU to experience the “if onlys”:

If only I had eaten better, exercised more, and taken better care of my body.

If only I had spent more time reading, learning another language, or visiting other countries.

If only I had spent more time trying to connect with my spouse, listening rather than talking,

and seeking to understand rather than being understood.

If only I had spent more time with my children—going to their games and recitals, taking them

camping and fishing, and explaining how to navigate life.

If only I had been brave enough to launch out and start my own business.

If only I had been more generous, giving of my time, talent, and money, trying to help those

who needed a hand.

Make sure you complete all the exercises in this article. No matter how long it takes you, just remember it took me far longer to write it up for you.

Change What’s Going On In The ‘Inside’

You’ve taken time out for self-reflection, you’ve looked at the areas that are the biggest struggles with your life, you have worked out some of the reasons for each, and why they are bad for you.

“Everything around you that you call life was made up by people that were no smarter than you and you can change it, you can influence it, you can build your own things that other people can use. Once you learn that, you’ll never be the same again.”  

Steve Jobs

The information I’ll share can help you to go from burnt-out, stressed, depressed and failing to being re-energised, happy, fulfilled and successful in less time than you could have imagined possible.

What I’ve come to realise is that most goal-setting, goal-achieving or “best year ever” workshops and events focus on how to set your goals, how to motivate yourself and on then developing some kind of “10 or 20 step goal achieving strategy plan” which are great, but not if your biggest obstacle isn’t removed.

As I finally came to understand, the reality is that whilst knowing what you want is part of the formula for getting it, if you really want to make a massive change in your life on the ‘outside’, you firstly need to understand and then change what’s going on in the ‘inside’.

You can’t change what’s going on around you until you start changing what’s going on within you.

Zig Ziglar

We can all undergo a process of personal transformation or “metamorphosis” (as I like to call it), if we’re willing to let go of who we are to become who we truly want to be. And just like the caterpillar completely rearranges its form to emerge into something so beautiful, we too can emerge from our cocoon to transform into the best version of our unique wonderful self.

My challenge to you is this—make NOW your turning point. Can you commit to these conditions, because if so you’re ready to move on to the next step?

Where Do You Want To Get To In Your Future

We have looked at what you don’t want. Now we need to start to look at what you do want. Where you want to get to.

Are you ready?

Ready to write (and right) your future? To never again find yourself
struggling with life.

Ready to be bold, dream big and put it (your aspirations) on the line (literally)?

Ready to proclaim your BHAGs (Big, Hairy, Audacious Goals)?

This is it; it’s time for the GRAND DESIGN.

You need to get your ‘Big-Picture’ into your mind. Deciding on the clear result, target or outcomes you want to achieve in your life. What it is you really want (i.e. your result or outcome). To do this you need to create your ideal future vision. You need to idealize, visualize, and imagine what your ideal future will look like some point in the future. Imagining that you have no limitations and that you are capable of designing your ‘perfect’ life.

Once you can see your vision for the future you will then be able to create goals to lead you there and determine the specific and tangible actions and measures that you need to make it happen. It’s time to look at your life ahead as thought you have a magic wand which can make everything you want come to fruition.

Imagine that your personal life was perfect in every way. What would it look like? How would you feel? What would you be doing each day? How would you and the people closest to you be living their lives? I’m now going to ask you to see this in 10 years’ time.

“Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve.”

Napoleon Hill

Ten Years In The Future | Exercise Six

Imagine it is ten years into your future and everything that you have planned in your life for those ten years has gone according to plan.

In a relaxed state, cast your mind forward ten years into the future and observe your ideal world. As you do, notice everything that you now have in your world. Notice also that you are free to do whatever you want. Finally take note of the person you have become in the process of living the life of your dreams.

Now write a letter to a friend describing the milestones and achievements in your life during those ten years as well as describing your life as it is now (in 10 years time).

Please be as specific as possible in regards to the goals, accomplishments, awards, relationships and events that took place in your life during those ten years.

Start writing!

Have – Do – Be List

From the previous exercise I find that our minds are now able to see exactly the things we want to bring into our lives. Be sure to include anything you want to do, be, share, create, have, give.

Include financial goals, personal development goals, physical goals, relationship goals, contribution goals—anything you’d like to learn, enjoy, or do. No matter how silly or outrageous it may seem, this is your chance to dream without limits. Be sure to keep your pen moving as fast as possible! So now create your HAVE – DO- BE LIST.

List everything you would like to HAVE/DO/BE in your life that you’ve seen culminating in your 10 year picture. This includes all material possessions, people, opportunities and resources. Remove any limitations you may otherwise have and release the handbrake of your imagination. You are on the road to at long last no longer be struggling with life, so get that imagination firing on all cylinders.

What specific goals must you achieve to fulfil your ideal future vision in that area? Include your big dreams those that show this wonderful, inspiring future life that will compel you to find a way to make it happen. Let your imagination run wild and find those almost impossible dreams that you would long for. No matter how outrageous it may seem, this is your chance to dream without limits.

Have – Do – Be List | Exercise Seven

Your Goals

Let’s now direct your future by focusing on your goals. I’ll remind you of the key areas of life and just think what you want to achieve in each of them. You’ve already said what you need to change, so your goals surely are going to be built around what you want to change them to.

Without goals your life is like a boat without a rudder. You drift along with the current, inevitably crashing onto the rocks time and time again. Proper goal-setting puts you in a speedboat and gives you a target to steer toward. Remember, do not prejudge your ability or worthiness to have and achieve whatever your mind conceives.

Let’s briefly go through each of the key areas

Love and Intimate Connection – An intimate relationship is an interpersonal relationship that involves physical or emotional intimacy. Physical intimacy is characterized by friendship, platonic love, romantic love, …. feeling of mutual caring, feeling proud of a mate’s accomplishment, and the satisfaction that comes from sharing goals and perspective. What are your Love and Intimate Connection goals?

Environment – When we hear the word “environment,” we generally think about the earth and the natural environment.  But the environment also exists at a more micro level that includes your home and workplace. As with the larger environment, health and safety is essential in these personal environments.  But more than that, we also need to make our personal space a refuge, a place to truly escape stress and the consequences of stress. We need to create a healing environment. What are your Environment goals?

Mental Health – It is important to strive to improve and maintain your  psychological health. You need to value yourself: Treat yourself with kindness and respect, and avoid self-criticism. Surround yourself with good people.  Learn how to deal with stress. Quiet your mind: Set realistic goals. Also one should look at continuous personal growth. What are your mental health goals?

Physical Health & Wellness – The most valuable and prized possession is our health. Our physical fitness. Our bodies. Energy levels. Free from illness. Physical Wellness encourages us to care for our bodies through physical activity, proper nutrition, and a strong mind keeping your body in its top condition. Lose weight; Get in shape; Drop a dress or pant size; Be more active …so many to choose from. What is it you want to achieve health wise?

Finance & Money – Unfortunately, money makes the world go round and we all need enough of it to live the life we want. It is an area where many are struggling with life. We all want to be comfortable and not have to worry about how we’re going to put food on the table. The finance aspect includes making the most of what you’ve got, investing or maybe even earning a little more. Let’s not forget about saving too. Maybe owing nothing. What are your finance and money goals?

Professional identity – developing professional identity and career goals is of course a priority in most people’s lives. Your career is probably the most time-occupying aspect of your life, and it is usually near the top of everyone’s list when it comes to determining what’s important in our big-picture. The career aspect includes career satisfaction and development, but it is important not to let it get ahead of other important life aspects. You may be at the start of this journey, students need to look at their personal, academic, and career goals.

Recreation and Relaxation – Having fun, sport, holidays, hobbies and interests – what does this one mean to you? You get one life to live and whatever your priorities you have to find the time for yourself. Develop areas where you can find enjoyment and use it to get away from your normal daily activities.

Passion, Purpose and meaning – Purpose can guide life decisions, influence behaviour, shape goals, offer a sense of direction, and create meaning. To find your purpose, you need to figure out how you can best use your passions and skills to achieve your unique goals and solve your unique problems.

Primary/Secondary Relationships – We have already looked at Love and intimate connection, and here we need to look at all your relationships. Family and friends. A healthy marriage. Great friends. Godly kids. Everyone has goals for the relationships in their lives. But what are yours?

Get everyone that comes to mind listed down. Don’t forget the struggles you are trying to overcome. Make sure these goals eliminate them once and for all.

Goals List | Exercise Eight

Prioritise Your Goals

Once you’ve brainstormed and got your goals written down, I now want you to go through them and select next to each item, write down the number of years you want it to take (or believe it will take) to achieve your goal (write 1 year, 2-3 years, 5 years, 10 years, or 20 years).

Out of your entire list for each area, what do you want most? What is the most important goal for each area that you want to achieve that would get you up early and keep you up late with excitement? So pick out the ten most important goals for you, pick the things you are most committed to, most excited about.

Now finally go through these 10 goals and decide the four you want to focus on in the next year. The one’s where most of your focus will be concentrated. This is better after all than just focusing on your
struggling with life. You can’t work on too many things at one time. Each year, it is my belief that you should target 4 specific goals to be your focus for the year.

Your Four Major Goals | Exercise Nine

Now I know that many people’s worst fear is they have never been able to achieve any major goals before. Well this time it is going to be different.

I’m going to give you a system to help you achieve any goal. It will be in the next article which will be aptly named ‘The No Stopping You System for Goal Setting and Achievement.’ Subscribe if you wish to receive this in your mailbox.

I hope that you are feeling encouraged to take action and let NOTHING stop you from finding your greatness in 2019. You have what it takes to succeed! Believe in that and take one small step today that will give you momentum!

Congratulations to all of you who have reached this far. My intentions are to teach you this system, helping you find your answers to ensure you are no longer struggling with life.

Drop me a comment to how you have found this process.

Please share this article with any friends who you know are somewhat lost and struggling with life.

Introducing The Single Page Plan

I’m proud to announce that you can use my Single Page Plan goal setting system to make your next 365 days your best yet and overcome your life struggles no matter what they may be!

By using the Single Page Plan you will be able to:

• Analise your life as it is right now and know exactly what you want to change over the course of 365 days so you can make sure you set yourself up for your best year ever.
• Know which key areas of your life need immediate attention so you can ensure you keep your life in balance as you work on your goals. It ensures you don’t make the mistake of concentrating on just one thing in your life while ignoring the other things which are equally of importance to you. This is really important and so underestimated when working on life goals.
• Know how to capture your best thinking about the changes you want to make in your life and provide the necessary ingredients to bring these changes about so you can start living the life you want.
• Create highly focused and ambitious goals which contain all the steps required to achieve them. This allows you to clearly see if the goal you set for yourself is achievable.
• Create, edit and manage daily tasks easily with your very own action planner. Linked to your Single Page Plan life plan it creates a powerful daily “to do” list to ensure you work on the right things every single day to move a step closer to achieving your overall goals and in turn the life you’ve set out to create for yourself.
• Manage your goals by creating bite size tasks which will reduce the normal barriers we put in place of achieving goals, fear of failure, being overwhelmed, setting goals out of reach. All these problems disappear when setting goals the way I teach you on the Single Page Plan.

It comes with a full library of training videos so you will have everything you need to overcome your life struggles and turn this year into your your year! Check out the Single Page Plan here right now and I’ll see you in the first module where we will start to turn your life around!